Rejection

I am an incredibly lucky person. I met my husband when I was 18 years old. We've been together for more than 11 years now and in all that time we haven't ever broken up. Without delving into the intricacies of my personal life, prior to meeting my husband, there wasn't really anyone else. I had crushes, sure. Who doesn't. But I didn't do much to act on these. (Ok, yes, there was some embarrassing incidents of pseudo-stalking including one instance where I actually texted a boy pretending that I'd meant the text for someone else just so that he would text me back and we could hopefully start a conversation - *sigh/blush/ick*) So anyway, though I often felt rejected, a lot of that was to do with not really putting myself out there. I wanted them to notice me. I didn't really give them the opportunity to reject me as fully as they could have done. I wasn't ever truly heartbroken.

There have been other things in my life that left me feeling pretty blue. Family issues offer their own relationship trauma, so there's that. And then there was that time I applied for English with Creative Writing and got rejected by 3 out of the 6 universities I applied for, despite being a straight A student. That still stings. (And if you're really at a loose end and interested in laughing at the teenage angst version of me, please do stop by poets2000.com/katspoems/default1.htm for some insight into just how rejected I felt and also why I didn't get onto that creative writing course...If they'd had a special module specifically on awful angsty teenage crap I probably would have aced it!)

But generally I am a lucky person. I am loved. I have food and shelter, a good job and great friends. What I'm trying to tell you is that I feel ill-prepared for rejection. So that's probably why I have been putting off sending out my query letters. I had an incredibly strong fear of reverting to that angsty version of me.

Well sometimes, as they say, you have to feel the fear and do it anyway. So last week I sent out two queries. This week I will send out two more. I guess I'll keep going until I run out of people to send them to. Because I believe in my book. I believe in my story. I believe in myself.

*Fingers crossed someone else believes in all that too!*

I'm not sure that I'll keep you posted on all that. Just assume it's going on in the background and if I have any insights to share then I'll post them instead. Meanwhile, it's time to really start thinking about Book 2. Camp Nanowrimo's coming up...who's with me?

 

I'm back, baby

So...long time no post, right? Apologies guys, I've been busy - and sadly not with writing. I have completely failed Camp Nanowrimo - even with another 6 days to go, there's no way I'm going to have time to write any more. It was crazy to sign up for it, really, given how busy I am this month, not to mention the fact that I should be spending my spare time working on the first book before I race ahead with the second! Plenty of time for that later. If I manage to meet my deadline on book 1, maybe I'll sign up again in July.

I saw my brother again at the weekend. I like how direct he is with me.
"How's the book going?"
"It's kind of stalled at the moment. I've been really busy." (To be fair, I'd just got back from a week in America.)
"So what are you going to do about it?"
"I don't know. It's like the more I read it, the worse it seems."
"So what are you going to do about that?"
"I don't know. Maybe take a break from it for a while."
"Maybe you should try writing something else. Maybe a short story for your blog."

He's so wise. I do need to rebuild some of my confidence, gain some momentum, fall in love with writing again. A blog-sized short story sounds like a good idea. I'll try and make that my next post. It won't be well crafted, more like a writing exercise - which is probably the kind of thing I'd know about if I'd actually taken the creative writing course I applied for all those years ago!

(Flashback: I'm 18, it's time to apply for university. I want to do English with Creative Writing. I apply to six universities and get rejected by three. Ouch. Rejection stings. I get accepted by one, but when it comes to it, I'm too afraid to pursue it. What if we sit around reading out our work and everyone thinks mine is bad? I switch to English with Film Studies and put my writing on hold for...oh, about 8 years. End of flashback.)

I'm typing this and watching MTV. Sometimes music can be so perfect. You know, when it just fits, and it's like a soundtrack to your life? "Everyone's a kid that no one cares about. You've just got to keep screaming 'til they hear you out." I have to keep screaming if I want to be heard. The softly, softly approach will get me nowhere with this.